What Does It Mean to Have Confidence?

Written by contributing blogger, Daniela Forte.

The title of this post is based off of a conversation I was recently having with someone about what it means to be confident. Of course, (as I am sure most women do) we were talking about it in the context of the opposite sex.

But having confidence isn’t just about how to be or act in front of the opposite sex (a potential partner we’re talking about here), it’s about having confidence in all facets of your life.

I will raise my hand first to say, “I have no freaking idea.”  Because I never had or have confidence in myself.  It was like that one class I missed when I was younger or the one thing my mother forgot to teach me.

As I have gotten older, I have learned to accept things about myself and like things that I never did when I was younger, but I never give myself any credit or look at myself and say, “Hey, I deserve to be treated …….” and demand that naturally.

I don’t always walk with my head held high, most of the time it’s with my face to the ground.  I don’t ask for more, I am accommodating, I am always there ready and willing to do whatever you need of me.  I don’t set the boundaries.

In the past I have dropped everything for people, I have allowed other people’s opinions define me or just plain hurt me, I am never confident in my decisions, while I have strong intuitive abilities I have trouble believing in what I feel.

All because I lack confidence.  So where does one get this confidence thing everyone is talking about?  Let’s begin!

Confidence is Natural, But It Can Be Taught and Learned:   I believe confidence is a natural trait, something you are born with, (not everyone, clearly).  I have seen people in my life just exude confidence, it’s like pouring out of them and they are happier and life is good. These people don’t linger on to the negative, they see life’s tribulations as something they can learn from and they move on.

For those of us, where confidence isn’t easily found, we have to teach ourselves. We have to be able to discern from what is right and what is wrong.  It’s getting up one morning and saying, “I am not going to accept this anymore.”   And really not accept it anymore.

Confidence is Setting Boundaries:  No, my friend you do not to need to always be readily available to everyone who needs you at every moment.  No, you do not have drop everything for that person who demands so much of your energy and your time simply because they are your friend and they need you.  This doesn’t make you a bitch or an asshole, this is self-love in the truest form.

Confidence is Seeking Happiness Before All Else:  I know someone who did this, and boy I commend her for it. In my eyes, she sacrificed everything for happiness. She went for it and is living what looks to be a happy life. I’d love to shake her hand or even hug her. What did she get from doing this? She got respect in the long-run, she was remembered and never will be forgotten.  But this wasn’t about how other people perceived her, this was about how she viewed herself.  She wanted happiness and she had let go of things that didn’t make her happy.  I salute her.

Put your happiness above all else. At the end of the day, this is your life. We get what a 100 years or less on this earth, so why should you allow external things keep you from happiness.

Confidence is Saying “Thank You”:  When people compliment you, say “thank you.” It doesn’t matter if you think they are kidding, if you think they are delusional, just say, “thank you.”  So many people, myself included, have trouble with this.  We don’t believe the good that is being told to us, so we instead disagree rather than simply accepting the compliment.   The other night, someone told me I looked fantastic, and I thought… but where does this person see this? But I didn’t argue with them.

Confidence is Not Allowing What Other People Think Impact Your Life:  Like who cares?! I can hear my friend’s voice as I typed this. Who the fuck cares.  Are the people judging you or disliking you or creating stories about you living your life? Nope.  Are they paying your bills? Nope. So their opinion is none of your business.  Confidence is not caring what others think or say about you. The only person you have to answer to is yourself.  That’s it.  If you know at the end of the day, you have never done anything to hurt anyone and you can sleep with a clear conscience you needn’t worry about it.



image source – pixabay

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